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     Monthly Musing  
        
      April 2002  
Life's Realities
 
This isn't going to be my typical Musing. On Monday April 1st my father died and I lost the first love of my
life. For me this was a very humanizing event for I realize that aside from being born, dying is the only other
event we will all share. His death had been a long time coming and I feel he is in a much better place. I knew I would again experience what I learned 23 years ago with my mother's death, that my life as I knew it would be changed forever.

As a friend shared when his mother recently died, "When they are both gone there is nothing between you and
the abyss." Too true. Life is about cycles and our skill at dealing with the changes they present. I like to think I carry forward the best parts of both of them, and those prickly parts I got, I'll just keep working on.

If there is anything I would urge you ALL to do, it is make your wishes about your estate clear and do so now. A friend's 33 year old nephew died suddenly 10 days ago from a deep vein thrombosis, you never know when it is your turn. This is not about fear. It is about being prepared, aware and is part of your responsibility as an adult, family member, parent or spouse.
1. Make you wishes legally binding. Do not assume just because you wrote it down somewhere or told someone it is a done deal. And don't think you don't need a will unless you prefer to have strangers tell your family what is to happen with your possessions?
2. Review it regularly, every two years. Do not assume it is still timely years after you wrote, as an
example a friend's father had a 35 year old will which clearly stated where things were to go but his executors had died and that caused costly delays and months of aggravation
3. Marriage, divorces and re-marriages massively impact previous wills.
4. Check your will when you move. Some states require two witnesses, some three and
if you move and die in a state requiring three you may have a problem.
5. Do not assume where things will go. As an example, because I am single with no children, in California if I had no will my estate would not go to my sibling sisters as I had assumed. It would have gone first to my father. Please do your homework and get your affairs in order, it is a responsibility you owe to your family and friends.

The Conferences reviews I promised for this month will be in the May Musings. I will be travelling and presenting all of May and early June and will update on those in July.
    Be well, be safe.
Warmly,

 
       
 

Question of the month
  
      April, 2002  
 
    
  
 
  Question:
  My boyfriend takes forever to come when I am giving him head. I feel like I must be doing something wrong because he takes about 5 times longer than my two other boyfriends. I used to really enjoy doing this and now it has become a real chore because my mouth and jaw get soo sore!! I really like this man but I do not feel like I can please him. Any suggestions?
T.G. - Omaha

  Lou Answers
 

Dear T.G:

My first question would be if this man has been celibate or non-sexual with a partner for an extended period of time. Reason being men who have had masturbating as their #1 form of sexual release for a period oftime will often require more firm and intense stimulation . Why you might ask? Because they get used to the more intense sensation they can create with their hands and the more subtle sensations of a woman's vagina or mouth may not be enough unless the woman can

increase the intensity by usingmore of her hand during oral sex or,
uses a position during intercourse that strongly stimulates the head of his penis, or his visual head during penetration , e.g. watching both of you during rear entry style in a mirror.
A couple of suggestions for you;

"Attach" your hand to your mouth using your thumb and index finger in a ring around the outside of your lips as if you were going to yell across a field. Your hand must stay attached to your mouth otherwise you have to cover your teeth with your lips and create pressure with your jaws and that is when many women get a sore jaw and or wear out the inside of the lips due to the friction and pressure. During oral sex the ring of your finger and thumb plus your hand supplies the pressure and your mouth the moisture and heat.
Remember to use a twisting motion with your hand and keep your tongue in motion. The illustration of this is in How To Be A Great Lover and The Big O. Good luck.
 
   
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