Lou Answers:

Dear Jane:

I completely understand your desire to have more feeling when your husband is inside of you. For many women one of the major pleasures of intercourse is the feeling of being ‘filled up” during penetration. And although toys can create part of the enjoyment of penetration they cannot create the all-encompassing sensations of being filled internally by his penis and enveloped externally when he is on top of you.

I will share with you two ideas that some women declare are their best non-surgical, non-exercise procedures for ‘tightening' their vaginal vault.

CHANGE POSITIONS SO THE ANGLE OF ENTRY IS TIGHTER. As one woman said, "For heavens sake don't always use the same position you can make yourself tighter just by shifting a leg.” Some will choose a position that will have a more curved entry angle. Positions favored are those where:

• She is on top, leaning forward or backward
• Side by side with her leg over his hip
• Spooning with entering from behind
• Raise your torso as with pillows when he is on top

USING AN ANAL TOY. For some women using an anal toy AKA butt plug or anal beads is one of the most effective methods to tighten the vaginal entry and vault to enhance the pressure sensation experienced during intercourse. The reason this works is an inserted anal toy lifts up the thin membrane between the vagina and the rectum in essence raising the floor of the bottom of the vagina, which will result in more sensation for both you and your husband. Choose a properly designed anal toy. One with a flange, (widened base) so it cannot slip inside and a thinned neck so the two anal sphincters can comfortably hold it in place. Some couples have found a vibrating anal toy greatly enhanced their sensation. Anal beads can do the same thing and provide more texture for the man during thrusting. Use lots of water based lubricant to ease insertion of an anal toy, as there is no natural lubrication in that area. And once you are satisfied with your play merely wash your toy with hot soapy water and let dry. If you use an oil-based product on a plastic latex toy you run the risk of having the toy become tacky to touch.

Best not to insert something vaginally. If you do you can obstruct penetration and it won't allow for easy thrusting, as chances are you will be too aware of something possibly coming out to enjoy the sensations of sex. Re: the so-called ‘tightening/shrinking' creams. These are often a topically applied alum based sometimes-gritty product that is supposed to shrink the vulvar and vaginal tissue by desiccation (drying it out). And given that moisture/lubrication is a factor that eases and enhances intercourse dryness is rarely your friend when it comes to pleasurable penetration.

As each man's penis is unique in its size so is each woman's vagina unique in its size. There are some women who are just naturally large some naturally small and FYI virginity is not an indicator of vaginal tightness despite that common misconception. The number one event that can impact vaginal tissue tone is pregnancy and vaginal delivery especially that of prolonged labor with large babies.

The other two options women pursue to tighten and tone their vaginal entry size are: i) exercising their Pubococcygeus (PC) muscle with regular contraction exercises often with insertable toys to increase resistance and, ii) surgical operations on the pelvic floor. While one option can be done at the privacy of your desk the other is a surgical/laser tissue cutting procedure that while it may deliver cosmetically pleasing results often comes with unexpected negative nerve and sensation impact.

Please let me know how you do.

Warmly