Frankly Speaking Inc.

Question:

have a very personal problem and I can't talk to anyone in my life. I am still a virgin a month after my wedding. I am coming to you because I read your books before my wedding so I would be prepared because I didn't know what to expect, I was told it would hurt and tear and I would bleed all over the first time. I know that I am very sensitive and whenever my husband stimulates me I get very sore, I think from how you described the woman's anatomy it is the urethra that gets sore. I am fine with oral sex but when he uses his hands it hurts me and even his fingers inside hurt me. I want to be a wife to my husband and don't know how to deal with this. Please help!!

Lou Answers
First, congratulations on your marriage and secondly I will give you a range of things to consider as the source of the dilemma and please remember babies come through the vagina. It has remarkable capabilities. My gut tells me you will find your answer in 3. & 4.

	1.Can you rule out an infection or irritation as the source? Your doctor can check for cystitis AKA honeymooner's irritation caused by frequent sexual activity. The tipoff for it is pain when urinating. Or is your husband using too much pressure or perhaps the wrong angle for manually stimulating you
	2.Have you had a diagnosis of Vulvodynia? That is intense painful areas that feel like hot spots on your genitals. If so that may be causing your body to react with a protective response and not allowing penetration.
	3.Who told you it was going to hurt? I can probably assure you that the LAST thing your husband would want to do is cause you pain, and sex is the most powerful way he has to connect with your body and soul. And if you think something is going to hurt, guess what? It does even more so. Be aware those romance novels that have all women swooning with pain on first penetration are about as accurate as the depictions of sex in porn films. Now that is not to say it isn't very uncomfortable for some women the first time but that is not typical. Know that the hymen occurs when the vagina is formed, meaning female mammals that have vaginas have them, in cows, horses, they are referred to as hymenal remnants. In humans it also exists and even if a woman has not had sexual intercourse, by definition the penetration of the vagina by a penis, the hymen may not be intact, it may have broken all on its own. So your concern over the pain may be more about what you have been told than will occur. Rather than concentrating on the pain concentrate on the pleasure and perhaps consider using a water based lubricant to ease the penetration of the penis into the vagina
	4.Have you used tampons? If so what size? The larger the size the more likely it is your hymen is not intact. Any woman who has used tampons knows there is a decided difference between the capacity of her vagina to accept a small tampon when not stimulated, doesn't always feel so great going in, and her body's ability to accept a penis when she is sexually stimulated. Reason for this difference is that when a woman is sexually stimulated the vaginal walls engorges (swell) with blood, and the mucosal lining of the vagina starts lubricating internally to facilitate penetration. As well the majority of the interior vaginal vault expands and lifts up into the abdomen creating more space for the penis to enter. The tightness is maintained at the entry by the Pubbococygeus muscles

Please let me know how things turn out.

Warmly,

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