A tricky problem has surfaced in my relationship w/my boyfriend and I was wondering if you'd ever encountered this before. My boyfriend needs at least half an hour of intercourse or manual stimulation to come. Thirty to sixty minutes of intercourse on a regular basis - especially with someone on the larger side - is a bit much for me. He says it has always been this way for him. And at the age of 43, he is able to maintain an erection throughout. What do you make of this and do you think there is a physiological problem? Or is there anything I can do to "speed things up?" I'd really appreciate your advice because I'm a bit overwhelmed and sore
-Talisa
If as he seems to intimate this has always been his experience chances are this is his normal orgasmic response pattern, he requires and may prefer longer periods of stimulation. He may have learned/set this pattern from early self stimulation or he may so enjoy the sensations he doesn't want it to stop so he may off-focus to drop the intensity and then refocus to build it up again. As with women how and why they want or require more intense/longer periods of stimulation is a combination of being governed by their nerves and how at ease they feel in the situation.
If this was a new thing, meaning he used to be satisfied much more quickly then I might ask if he has been taking any medications that might impact his ability to feel sensation and to build to orgasm. There are so many medications that impact sexual function, for women and men, it would make your head spin.
For you during oral make sure you are not dropping the level of stimulation intensity too much or you will drop off the sensation buildup for him.
During intercourse so you don't get sore (or more sore) be sure to use a lubricant that you enjoy, best of course if water based and glycerin free so it doesn't dry out as quickly and get sticky. As you know the incentive position that likely works best for him use the manual and oral styles you know are most stimulating so you can build the intensity with these before you proceed to intercourse.
You are not alone in your reaction as most women have been conditioned by men who come very quickly and the man who naturally takes a long time is rare, most men have to unlearn the quick nerve response patterns they set with early self-pleasuring.
Is he aware of how sore you are getting? And if not why not? I am sure he doesn't want you feel pain even if he is of a certain size. Men want you to remember his penis was there (honest they have told me that) but they don't want to hurt you because if he does you are not going to be open to being sexual with him....That is the last thing most men want to have happen. Have you asked him if he can come more quickly? And perhaps he could give you a hand to assist the process.