Dear Ms. Paget:

After the sudden separation from my husband ( he left me quite out of the blue), I got back together with an ex - boyfriend of mine. I am 41, he is 42 and we were together when we were 20 and 21 for about a year. The reason why it came to the brake-up was mainly because he had cheated on me at that time (I thought it was a one- night stand then). When I faced him with it, after I had found the bed all in a mess, he told me, that this could happen any time, it is normal to a man of his age. Now, when we came together again, he told me that he had no idea how much he had hurt me back then and how terribly sorry he is for all the pain he caused me. He also told me then, that it was not a one-night stand, that he had back then; but he had a second relationship for about a half year, only difference was that the other women didn' t have a key to his flat....... Back then, he was never really able to tell me what he felt for me but now he does and shows me. I can not get this picture out of my head when I had found out the first time that he had an affaire (or was I the affaire"???) and how much it did really hurt me. I try to trust him but I keep seeing ghosts everywhere.

For example, I have a key to his flat, but he doesn' t want me to come unannounced because he doesn' t like surprises, as he says. If I try to speak with him about my worries, he tells me that this is a long time ago and it did not happen yesterday etc.....

We live a good two and a half hour drive apart, but still see each other very often because I can adjust it with my work. Please give me some advise on how I can learn to trust him enough to built up a steady relationship.
Thank you so much !

G