Hi Lou, I have been with my partner for 8 years. Intimacy was well balanced and succulent the first few years. In the past five plus years, the intimacy has diminished to pretty much nothing. I have asked about what is going on for her, she says she just does not feel horny that it is likely pre-menopause symptoms (age 46) that she has financial and work stress, all along with tennis elbow. She has never indicated verbally or behaviorally that anything else is going on. She did have an affair in the first year of our relationship. She is 10 years older than me and I sometimes wonder if perhaps she views herself as being in the mother figure. I asked her this, and she denied this was a fact. I have asked her to see a Doctor, and she did go. The doctor said that there are no physical reasons for her lack of feelings. I have asked several times if we could see a therapist together and she adamantly opposes this suggestion. I have definitely heard of the lesbian bed death thing where 2 women spend so much time together, the whole intimacy thing falls by the way side. Even if this were true, when we are apart for longer periods of time, no romance occurs.I keep waiting giving her space waiting and waiting for her to take some initiative to work on herself. I.m not particularly willing to part from her for this reason alone, however, I.m 36 and I feel more than alive and romantic. Some days it eats me up to the core. But, I also don.t want to wait another 5 years, wake up one day, and realize that everything is still the same. I believe intimacy is important without it, were just roommates. Do I stay or do I go? Do I push or do I give her space? What could the problem be? What are some solutions?

Wilting Further Every Day