The take-a-pill-and-fix-it medicalization and attitude of our society has long impacted people's intimacy. We just didn't get told about it. Be sure to ask if any medication you are being given has been known to create side effects such as: an erectile disorder, decreased arousal, decreased desire, or has caused people to become anorgasmic (inability to orgasm). And if so, is there another medication available that does not. If you have any questions, I can check the13 page handout that accompanied the AASECT (American Association of Sex Educators Counselors and Therapists) presentation "Medications That May Contribute to Sexual Disorders" I received from William Finger Ph.D., who co-authored it along with Mark. A Slage Pharm.

Perhaps the most often asked question I get is, "How do I keep things interesting sexually?" Makes sense because our intimacy and sexuality is one of the most powerful ways we connect and stay connected. And if you are in a committed monogamous relationship new people and experiences are ruled out and yet that is often one of the best sources.

This isn't going to be my typical Musing. On Monday April 1st my father died and I lost the first love of my life. For me this was a very humanizing event for I realize that aside from being born, dying is the only other event we will all share. His death had been a long time coming and I feel he is in a much better place. I knew I would again experience what I learned 23 years ago with my mother's death, that my life as I knew it would be changed forever.

I know that you will think that I am weird. All of my friends describe an orgasm as a time when you scream with delight and just feel altogether good and excited. I think that I have had an orgasm, but if it is like that I am unsure. Please describe what an orgasm is supposed to feel like.

I have a very personal problem and I can't talk to anyone in my life. I am still a virgin a month after my wedding. I am coming to you because I read your books before my wedding so I would be prepared because I didn't know what to expect, I was told it would hurt and tear and I would bleed all over the first time. I know that I am very sensitive and whenever my husband stimulates me I get very sore, I think from how you described the woman's anatomy it is the urethra that gets sore. I am fine with oral sex but when he uses his hands it hurts me and even his fingers inside hurt me. I want to be a wife to my husband and don't know how to deal with this.

Please help!!

I took your sex class this weekend and it was terrific actually, it was taught by another one of your speakers who told us to e-mail you with any questions we have. My question has to do with 69. It's very popular for guys to want to do it, at least in my sex life, but it's really hard for me at least because my tongue is not by the sensitive side of the penis. Other than trying it on your side, do you have any tips??? Out of curiosity, why is it not covered in the course???

We, at Frankly Speaking, want to wish you all the best of the holidays and may 2003 bring you closer to your dreams and true path. Given that this time of year tends to be about giving to others, we chose to acknowledge those who were our support with fabulous Artfull Baskets "Do-something-for-you" spa kits.

A tricky problem has surfaced in my relationship w/my boyfriend and I was wondering if you'd ever encountered this before. My boyfriend needs at least half an hour of intercourse or manual stimulation to come. Thirty to sixty minutes of intercourse on a regular basis - especially with someone on the larger side - is a bit much for me. He says it has always been this way for him. And at the age of 43, he is able to maintain an erection throughout. What do you make of this and do you think there is a physiological problem? Or is there anything I can do to "speed things up?" I'd really appreciate your advice because I'm a bit overwhelmed and sore
-Talisa

My new boyfriend still has all these pictures of his old girlfriend on the walls and constantly tells me 'how she never did x,y,z' that are things I do. Aside from this he is a really sweet guy but I feel am getting mixed messages from him and that I have all the problems.

I fooled around on my man and even though we are patching things up, and I have been tested for everything, he still insists on wearing a condom. I want things to go back to like they were before and we had great unprotected sex.

I have been having incredible dreams about a woman I work with. I've never done anything with a female but I do think she is hot and actually have considered asking her out for drinks after work. Does it mean I am a lesbian?

My Boyfriend is worried that I don't have orgasms during intercourse. And when I have one when he goes down on me he says they aren't big enough and I'm not noisy enough. They feel great to me and the same as they did with other boyfriends. I think they are fine and have told him that. Could there something wrong with how I have orgasms?

I have a great guy I am dating and he wants to get engaged and even though I know I want that I just don't feel ready for commitment and family. I did have the feelings of wanting to commit with my old boyfriend but he ended things a year ago because he cheated on me. I recently called him and now I feel really torn. He knows about my new guy and suggested maybe we need to see if we are still as compatible as before, we always had great sex. I do love my new guy but not enough to commit. Is there any simple way to figure this out?

Can this passion, this lust this love last? Can it sustain itself after we.ve been together for 6 months, 6 years or 36 years?

I want to share my fantasies with my partner but I'm embarrassed. How can I share that side of my sexuality with them?

I've heard oysters are an aphrodisiac. Do they really work?

First of all, I have a curved penis. It is curved upward. What are the pros and cons of this and what are the best positions for me or her. Which ones should I avoid (if any), etc.

Male Multiple Orgasms; I keep hearing about men who have these or do they? What is the real scoop here?

Puzzled in Penticton

My boyfriend and I are off for a long planned warm vacation and have fantasized about sex in a spa pool or the ocean. He is worried about trying it as he's heard it's not safe to make love in the water. What are our options?

So what do you think about the Kinsey movie from Fox Searchlight? Is it telling the truth?

Dear Ms. Paget:

After the sudden separation from my husband ( he left me quite out of the blue), I got back together with an ex - boyfriend of mine. I am 41, he is 42 and we were together when we were 20 and 21 for about a year. The reason why it came to the brake-up was mainly because he had cheated on me at that time (I thought it was a one- night stand then). When I faced him with it, after I had found the bed all in a mess, he told me, that this could happen any time, it is normal to a man of his age. Now, when we came together again, he told me that he had no idea how much he had hurt me back then and how terribly sorry he is for all the pain he caused me. He also told me then, that it was not a one-night stand, that he had back then; but he had a second relationship for about a half year, only difference was that the other women didn' t have a key to his flat....... Back then, he was never really able to tell me what he felt for me but now he does and shows me. I can not get this picture out of my head when I had found out the first time that he had an affaire (or was I the affaire"???) and how much it did really hurt me. I try to trust him but I keep seeing ghosts everywhere.

For example, I have a key to his flat, but he doesn' t want me to come unannounced because he doesn' t like surprises, as he says. If I try to speak with him about my worries, he tells me that this is a long time ago and it did not happen yesterday etc.....

We live a good two and a half hour drive apart, but still see each other very often because I can adjust it with my work. Please give me some advise on how I can learn to trust him enough to built up a steady relationship.
Thank you so much !

G

How do I know if I've had an orgasm? Do they always feel the same?
Campus College Girl

What does the Oscar nominated film Closer say about relationships?

Please I need more help in the orgasms department. You answered the college girl about how to know if she'd had an orgasm well I am a 61 year old, divorced grandmother and I need to know if I've ever had one.

Wondering in Witchita

In one of your books you talk about the effects of what a man eats and how it can change the taste of his semen. Can you please tell me what are the best things for a woman to eat to ensure that during cunninglingus she can afford her partner the best possible taste.

According to my Drs. I have Peyronie's Disease. It started in about Dec. of 04. I think it has run it course and I want surgery and mostly likely some of type of an implant to restore the shape and size of my penis. What advice do you have and what type of Dr. is best (urologist, plastic surgeon, other) for this type of procedure?

Thanks,
Marcus

I am a woman who is very large vaginally. My husband is not small, but certainly not as large as I need and like. He enjoys and gets very excited pleasuring me with very large "toys" but I would like him to feel more when he is inside me himself.

Is there some product that I could insert vaginally that would make me smaller and give him more feeling? During this, I would be happy with just the pressure, not needing to feel the actual rubbing. I just like him on top of me.

Any suggestions?
Jane Doe

My wife and I experiment sexually and want to expand a fantasy where I watch her with another man. We thought of getting a man though a website search, someone who would be willing to do everything except go all the way and practice safe sex. We are very happily married and this would satisfy two of our biggest fantasies. Me seeing her with another man and for both of us being watched by him as we want to have him watch as I.ll step in to finish as we decided he wouldn.t have actual intercourse with her. My wife will take care of him for his services with oral or manual sex. She is totally into it but she is actually worried I might have some misgivings about it later. So before we actually engage in this activity I thought I'd ask if there were any pitfalls we might encounter.

SS in SF

Hello Lou how are you?? Well I really hope you can help me with this. Me & my boyfriend (who I love very much) have been together for 3 years now & over the last 2 weeks he hasn't wanted to have sex with me at all. I'm starting to think its me.

Sexual in Seattle

Ms. Paget,

For me sex is very mechanical. It is more work than pleasure. It's very much for my husband, who is always ready, willing and able. I don't even try anything to make it more interesting for him, because he doesn't need the extra encouragement. I never have orgasms during regular intercourse and frankly am not sure I enjoy them anyway. Plus intercourse is typically painful (easy fissures and general discomfort). I'm uptight about the mess and I just can't get into it. How can I feel passionate about this tedious task?

1. When my boyfriend and I are having sex his penis slips out sometimes. It happens during all positions, whether from behind, me on top, or him on top. I am so embarrassed! Is this common? What can I do to keep it from happening? Please help!

Dear Lou;
My girlfriend has a lot of guy friends calling our house & she calls her ex from her cell & he calls her. We are having problems & she doesn't get horny anymore. Is it over or what?

Confused

Wilting Further Every Day