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I know I really like this person yet not sure if they have what it takes to be my ‘true love”. How do I know? Were my grandparents right about marriage being a work in progress? I don’t know if I want to work that hard.

Not sure

Lou Answers

Dear Not Sure;

Okay, we have a few things to get out of the way before I guide you on knowing if they are the ‘one’? Any relationship takes focus and attention and if that is too much work for you, as your last sentence suggests I’ll tell you please don’t continue with this relationship. And why should they have to have what it takes? What about you? Are you fabulous enough to attract what is fabulous for you?

I am not sure what the dynamic of your grandparents’ relationship was like, they may have had a volatile marriage and you’re not interested in that. Got it. However if it is the commitment or there may be someone better in 6 months or your next Tinder swipe then let this relationship go.

My response is a conditional yes, if your reason and commitment to being together is solid in the first place. In my twenty years of speaking with couples worldwide the reason most people’s lust and love relationships don’t last is because they chose to partner based on a calendar rather than their hearts. In other words they chose a relationship/marriage partner based on it being the right TIME for them to be in a relationship/marriage, TIME to have children not because it is the right PERSON in their heart and then when a relationship undergoes its natural growth and changes they don’t know who the person is. Especially after children arrive.

If you are ambivalent it means you don’t have enough mental and emotional fuel, attraction or interest to keep this relationship going. Time to end it gently.